Even an average keyboard is superior to the chess grandmasters
Last Monday, the greatest chess player of our time, the 31-year-old Norwegian Magnus Carlsen, met one of his young challengers, the 19-year-old American Hans Niemann, number 49 in the world rankings, which Carlsen has led for eleven years, at the online Julius Baer Generation Cup. Niemann opened with d2 on d4, Carlsen responded with a knight on f6, Niemann continued the Indian Defense with c2 on c4 – then Carlsen ended the game. »Incredible!« US grandmaster Maurice Ashley tweeted: »No one can be happy that this is happening in the chess world!« But what exactly happened?
cell phones in the toilet
To get to the bottom of this question, we need to return to the Sinquefield Cup, which took place in St. Louis earlier this month. Completely surprisingly, Carlsen lost to Niemann in the third round. The Norwegian then announced his withdrawal from the tournament on Twitter. He added to the statement a video of star football coach José Mourinho, who said after two red cards and a defeat for his then-team Chelsea at Aston Villa in 2014: ‘I prefer not to say anything. If I say anything, I’m in big trouble.” The implication was clear: Carlsen accused Niemann of fraud.
But how do you cheat in chess? There are different variants. For example, you can use unfair methods to get hold of the opponent’s game plans. By far the most common variant, however, is to consult computer programs – so-called e-doping. For many years even average chess programs have been superior to grandmasters. In no time at all, they recognize moves that can bring players onto the winning track. Niemann is not a blank slate in this regard. He himself has admitted to twice resorting to the help of computer programs in online tournaments, once when he was 12 and again when he was 16. His critics say he probably cheated far more often.
Well, e-doping in online tournaments is one thing. But how is it supposed to work in traditional presence tournaments? There are obvious variants, such as consulting a mobile phone on the toilet. There is no shortage of documented cases. Czech grandmaster Igor Rausis was caught in Strasbourg in 2019 and banned by the International Chess Federation for six years. He also lost his grandmaster title.
vibration in the buttocks
Visits to the toilet cannot be banned for games that can last for days, and for all fears of e-doping, they cannot be monitored either. One tries to get the problem under control in a different way. Mobile phones are now strictly forbidden at major tournaments, including for the public. Live broadcasts and streams are increasingly being delayed by 15 minutes to prevent outside influence.
But technology knows a way out. As far as Niemann is concerned, one of the most daring theses is that the shooting star is alerted to crucial moves by vibrating anal beads. Studies show that chess players find it easier to find a move that will give them a decisive advantage in a game if they know that the position offers such a move. In the hypothetical case, the vibration in the buttocks does not indicate the decisive move, but it does alert the player to search intensively for one at a certain point in time. In the case of Niemann, Canadian grandmaster Eric Hansen and tech billionaire Elon Musk are speculating in this direction.
But apart from the proven youthful sins, what speaks for Niemann’s fraud at all? Skeptics point to the surprisingly rapid improvement in his game over the past two years, and he often plays far better in important games than in less important ones. Above all, however, he cannot always satisfactorily explain his strategy after winning games. Niemann rejects all allegations and speaks of “character assassination”. To prove his innocence, he would also compete naked. Anal balls would of course not be recognizable even then.
