“Waste. I like that word, not just because of how it sounds, but because I am obsessed with wasting my life. Okay, frantic waste. I enjoy this stigma“Very few football players, in fact very few human beings, could start a reflection with a phrase this resounding, so raw and painful, but when you know the name behind that sentence, Adriano Leite, everything fits together.
“Do you know what it feels like to be a promise? I know, even a promise that doesn’t come,” explains ‘The Emperor’ in The Players Tribune, that shooting star who at some point seemed like he was going to dominate football, with a power that could only be compared to Ronaldo, but that could not be compared. It took a while to wither and to remain very far from what it was. It is the story of an unfortunate star and his life in a neighborhood. Vila Cruzeiro, to which he always returns, in good times or bad, the place where he always appears.
“I don’t do drugs, you can try to prove it. I’m not involved in crime, of course, although I could have been. I don’t like going to clubs and I’m always in the same place in my neighborhood, Nana’s kiosk. If you want to meet me, go there. I drink every other day, yes, and the other days too“, he adds in a brutal start to a text that is almost a confession. Drinking, of course, is as much a part of Adriano’s biography as that Bernabéu trophy in which he appeared to be a chosen one in world football.
“Why does a person come to drink every day? I don’t like to give explanations, but here’s one. I drink because it is not easy to be a promise that stays. And things only get worse at my age,” the former striker of ephemeral glory continues in his text.
“They called me the emperor. A boy who left the favela so that in Europe they would call him the Emperor, how do you explain that? I still don’t understand it today. Maybe I did some things right after all. Many people don’t understand why I abandoned the glory of the stadiums to sit in my old neighborhood, drinking to forget.. At some point that was what I wanted and that is a decision that is difficult to come back from,” adds the Brazilian, in a collection of memories from a life of brutal ups and downs.
In his story there are terrible moments, usually related to alcohol. This tells of a day in Italy, with his mother. “I was broken, I grabbed a bottle of vodka and, I’m not exaggerating, I drank the whole thing alone. I filled my ass with vodka, I cried all night. I spent the day on the couch because I had drunk a lot and cried. What could I do? I was in Milan for a reason, it was what I had dreamed of all my life. God had given me the opportunity to be a footballer in Europe, my life had improved a lot thanks to God. But none of that kept me from feeling sad.”
The return to the favela
When he returned from Italy for vacation, Adriano the first thing he did was go to the favela. “I caught the taxi at the airport and went straight to Cruzeireither. He arrived at the entrance to the favela, left his suitcases and went upstairs screaming. I wasn’t even going to see my mother. I was ringing the doorbell at Cachaça’s house, my great friend who is no longer with us, and Hermes, another great childhood friend. I knocked on the window and told him: ‘wake up, come on’. Jorginho, another friend, joined us and then imagine. The four of us were doing mischief. They found us days later, we were out there all day playing soccer, chatting, from one place to another. Not even a horse would have done it.“.
From the hardness of Vila Cruzeiro…
For Adriano things are clear. “Vila Cruzeiro is not the best place in the world. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is deadly dangerous. Life is hard. People suffer. Many friends must choose other paths. You just have to look around and realize. If I started to tell you about all those who are no longer here, we would be here talking for days. Che God bless you. You can ask anyone, whoever can, eventually goes to live somewhere else.”
To the harshness of Milan
Hadrian, who had experienced the worst in his country, suddenly found himself in Milan. “When I went to Inter the blow was very strong during the first winter. Christmas came and I was alone in my apartment. It was incredibly cold in Milan. I felt that depression that comes in the cold and gray months of northern Italy. The people all dressed in dark. The deserted streets. The days are very short. The weather is humid. You don’t feel like doing anything, my dear. Added to all this was my nostalgia for not being home and it made me really feel very bad.“.
And remember a great friend… from Milan. “Seedorf has truly been a great friend. He and his wife organized a dinner for their closest friends and invited me. You know, that guy has a style that breaks with everything. Imagine Christmas dinner at your house, everything very fine. “Everything was delicious and beautiful, but the truth was that I wanted to be in Rio de Janeiro.”
